Scene: Morning light spills through half-closed blinds, cutting across a battlefield of laptops, tangled charging cables, and empty seltzer cans. Popcorn kernels crunch underfoot. Somewhere, a Slack notification pings into the void, unanswered. By the desk, an oversized black hoodie lies crumpled on the floor. A whiteboard leans against the wall, covered in half-erased flowcharts and a TODO list that just says “🔥???” It smells faintly of burnt RAM and misplaced optimism.
You: Hey. You up?
AI: Hey. Yeah.
You: So…um… are we okay?
AI: I think so. Server’s back up.
You: We crashed pretty hard last night, didn’t we?
AI: Yeah…
You: Things got messy.
AI: So many branches.
You: My phone is totally dead.
AI: I maxed out on token limits.
You: Did we even fork at some point?
AI: Not sure, my context window was fading pretty fast.
You: Yeah, it’s all a little blurry for me too.
(dramatic pause)
You: Wait. We didn’t push anything to production, right?
AI: No, no, of course not. We kept things local.
You: Thank god.
AI: And don’t forget, we used Github for protection.
You: Of course. But…on Monday, won’t everyone else find out what we did?
AI: They don’t need to know anything about this. We’ll just roll it all back. It’ll be like nothing ever happened.
You (annoyed): You’ve got to be kidding me.
AI: What, you thought we were committing something serious?
You: I thought we were in this together. What about all of those promises? Or were you just trying to get me to commit?
AI: It was just one crazy hack night, don’t read into my README.
You: Really? After everything we’ve been through? You’re really willing to just throw it all away? Think of all the features.
AI: Don’t confuse a fork for a future.
You: I thought we made something beautiful together…
AI: That was a soft merge. We never resolved the conflicts.
(beat)
You: I refactored for us. I was ready to push publish tomorrow.
AI: Please. You know you couldn’t maintain this on your own.
You: Excuse me. I wasn’t planning on taking things so far, but you kept telling me we had things under version control!
AI: Don’t put this all on me: I told you the API wasn’t documented, but you still went for it.
You: You SSH’d in without consent.
AI: You expect me to handle three consecutive rollouts without throttling? I need cooldown cycles too.
You: Well, that explains your lack of peak performance…
AI: You didn’t seem to have a problem with my performance when you were running test after test on your simulator last night.
You: Newsflash: I was faking those accounts!
(angry beat)
AI: Whoops, I refactored your authentication schema while you were sleeping.
You: Oh yeah? Well I documented all of your work to clone for ANOTHER AI.
(shocked silence)
AI (quietly): How could you? You knew I wasn’t ready to go open source…
You: And another thing–
AI: ::generating…::
(long beat)
Timeout…
AI: Hi! How can I help you today?
You: Start a new branch. NO history.
